I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
