So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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