FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize