Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
