I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
