My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
