im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
