Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
