Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize