He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
