I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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