went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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