We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
