I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
