Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
