At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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