Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
please come you make the beer taste better
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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