I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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