Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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