He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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