i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
