i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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