I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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