I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best revenge is premature balding
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He better not be in your backpack
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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