At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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