Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
