Too much gin, very little bucket
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
