Jerry, you need to find god
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
