allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
