Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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