Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
