I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
