oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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