Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
