Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
