Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize