yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
