it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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