I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
