my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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