My room smells like vodka and shame
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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