haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
