whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
