she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
