i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
