She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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