i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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