I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
