you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
