I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
