I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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