quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
