Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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