like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My vagina is officially offended.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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