Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize