If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
