also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
