There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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