Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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