our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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