can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
