Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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