I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
