i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
