I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
