she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
