Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
