just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
