i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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