I just cut my nipple shaving
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
