Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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