I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
