he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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