It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
