dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
