It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
