it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize