yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
