Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
