i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
