I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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